...2010...

It's been a year without much excitement and changes. Everything pretty much stayed the same. hahahah. But i'm quite sure 2011 will be a very very different year. Different environment, different lifestyle, new people.

I hope people who really matters to me will stay with me, and may 2011 be a better year for all of them (:

Alright, off to geok's house now! BYE 2010!

okay so today's the last day of 2010. and everyone's making a big deal about it on facebook, twitter etc. hahaha.

well, today's just a friday and i'm stuck at home doing my remt assignment, dying of boredom.

hmm. birthdays, new year, special occasions. why are they special? because we have expectations of them? i think zhihui is right. hahaha. for me to think of today as a normal friday, i can't quite do that. and probably that's why my mind tells me that i'm dying of boredom. zzz. hahhahahah.

nothing much changed this year. didnt meet many new people, didnt do many memorable things. what will i be saying on 31/12/2011? that i love/hate NIE? hahaha argh.

alright need to stop slacking. just found out there's an REMT e-learning to do for the holidays. and there's still arranging. wooohooo. tomorrow, tomorrow i shall start my work. bleahhh

and my dad's so evil >:( i lost my wallet since sunday and i didnt realize it until this morning. panicked like mad only. then called daddy and he still bluff me say didnt see, until i said i'm gonna report my lost IC then he tell me. so baaaaad! hahahahahaha. okay but a blessing in disguise (: hahaha

Any medication to cure Anti-Socialism? booooohoo. haha

It was a wet and cold Christmas (: but still in hope for a better one next year! heh

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE! omg but where's the xmas mood?? :/

and sigh, i'm just getting fatter and fatter by the day. kiseki buffet last night, christmas weekend, new year next week, cousin's wedding the following week. just keep eating only?! hahaha. i think i'm in my fattest state nowwwww. okay i shoud stop ranting.

wheeee, hope tmr's gonna be fun! :D

yeahhh christmas party wooohoo with the DMATs and the MMAs and a Lasallite! although in a pathetically small place but quite cozy (:

and the exchange gift i got. how cute! :D

Midnight bakinggg: Peppermint-chocolate-bread men. hahahaha. It looks pretty horrible and idk whether if it'll taste good :/

But thanks daddy for the new oven and thanks mama for helping the whole night! :D omg its already 230am :/ hahahah

I AM SOOOO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. MY OVEN DIED AND THERE GOES MY CHRISTMAS COOKIES! :(

Spent sooo much time and money on all the ingredients. Sighhhhhhhhhhh :( I need a new oven! mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Can i have something that belongs to just Me, Myself and I?
Oh go back inside you little dominating thing.

Just soaked my feet in hot water, and my feet still has this stingy sensation. Went to all the starbucks from pacific plaza to raffles city to request for them to paste up the posters. Dead tired now. Got the whole CBD to clear next zzzzz

And it's finally time for rest and some fun! although i dont really know what fun there's gonna be.. hahaha.

hmm somehow i feel the REMT assignment is like heavily on arranging. haha. coz i'm probably not gonna do any mastering until monday itself. but yup, quite shiok (: SPEED! haha

anyway, daddy bought me a dual LCD camera as an xmas gift! wheeee. hahahah. and i finally got Hebe's album. AWESOME.

but oh crap, no more USS tickets. i'm still upset :( sigh

okay, this kfc commercial is officially the worst assignment done in year3 i think. gave up trying to make it better and gonna just present what i have later. bleah.

and i'm probably maxed out, 5 days of 3 hours sleep each is not kidding. tonight i will sleep all i can. then ONE MORE REMT TO GO in 2 days D:

after next monday, and we'll get ready for christmas! :D

i feel like i'm growing fatter and uglier by the day... hahaha okay random :P

anyway after 20hours of scoring i officially think the hardest instruments to score are piano and the drums. and i'm even more impressed with drummers who can sight read a drum score now D: had so much problems trying to isolate the rhythms. bleahhh. but anyway it's done now (:

okay continue working or sleep? SLEEP. hahaha

I must have lost my sanity

AHAH im so happy i hope my pod2 can be awesome :D shiok shiok shiok. haha check out my poddy pod blog for details! whee.

I wanna write a song featuring all the vocalists in DMAT Year3. NEED to have all of them singing my song before we graduate! hahaha. I'm shall try working on it during the two week "break".

Yup I'm aiming to be a professional juggler ;)

Deep down, somewhere.

I'm so excited for the first driving lesson later! :D hahah. can't wait to drive on the road.

And after that recording for Amelia. Nice song to sing, and I'm finally gonna to sing in a choir(really mini one though) again! haha.

horrible day. i'm a fucking third year student.

i wanna learn to play a cajon (:

nope, disagree that girls can't play them! hahaha

today i'm still gonna admit, i'm a chinese pop fan. even though i ironically cant speak chinese properly :/

my compositions are starting to hit rock bottom.. or at least i feel that way. can't seem to break through to another level. getting comments like, "sounds very peixiu", which may be an individualistic thing but i see it more as a sign that it's time for a Change.

and i really need to throw all that unnecessary ego in me. it's a hinderance to my musical growth >:(

insane, insane. my pod is SOOO insane. hahahah i guess thats how it turns out to try to force too many ideas into 3 mins. gonna get bombed by erica :/

hahahah and i really realized how much my references can influence my songs. amazing.

Am I not eligible for provisional placement?!

Please tell me this is not true............ :(

I tried my best to think positive, but I can't for now.

I'm upset at the fact that I can't churn out a nice melody, and worse still, am bad at words(lyrics in this context).

The stuff I produce, I would think they are not unpleasant to the ears, but they don't contain the X-factor that makes it amazing, special, or even... memorable.

Seems like I'm not cut out to be a songwriter. Not the best performer, not the best arranger. What's left for me?

The sight of you gets me angsty. So i was right from the start.

People always change when they get into a relationship.

Some will drift from friends.

I hope this never fades away (: hehehe

what a peaceful monday (: well, if only i didn't need to go to school just to hand in assignment, waste 2.5hours there and back :( hahaha

hahaha if i've every monday free, i'd love call it swimming and baking day. or if i had a dog then it'll be "take my dog out" day! hahaha. just feels good to do different things and out of the regular routine.

wahaha maybe by adopting more interests i might be able to find something else i'm good at.. (:

argh need to stop spending money on cabs every week! >:( hahaha.

watched Lasalle's rhythm ensemble at esplanade today. quite shiok (: hahaha. but really man, good musicians are everywhere...... oh well.

and dinner at Bread For Life at the new marina link was quite bad, got me bloated yet unsatisfied! you'd probably like it if you love salty food :/ hahaha

oh goodness, where did all my money go, i'm soooo broke. sigh.

Perfection is a flaw
Perfection is a flaw
Accept this world the way it is
And a happier person we will be (:

WHO WHO WHO ELSE IS INTERESTED IN GOING TO ICOM??

Ahhh I really want to do contemporary arranging but singapore doesnt seem to offer something close to it! Probably composition in Lasalle.. But nahh not exactly.

Singaporeans usually go to ICOM because of the BTP(Berklee Transfer Programme).. I'm not exactly looking at that, Boston's wayyyyy to pricey for me. I just want to have lessons similar to our arranging classes now, but far far far more in depth. It seems like the most possible way is to be in KL now :/

Oh goodness, I thought I settled my mind on NIE?? bahhhhhhhhhhhhh

If i were a book, I'd probably have a cover that is dull and unappealing.

And then they say, "Never judge a book by its cover". So you flip open this book and you'll notice that the content is so pathetically trivial.

Everyone is moving forward so quickly. Some decides to be a Jack of all trades, just simply good enough for public's recognition, while others are aiming to be a master of one. Yet all that I see now is the sky that's directly above me. Or you could probably say, I never chose to jump out of that well, but I'm really trying.

Yes I'm surely improving, but the progress' so stagnant. Everyone's running ahead of me, while I try to chase them, possibly even following their footsteps.

Yup maybe imma be a book that's really unique, one day, It's still in search of its soul.

It was an awesome performance (: Hahaha

So long, my two-month old eyecandy!

Long day today. hahaha.

1. didn't finish MuMi :(
2. spent 45 bucks, all on cab fare and food :(
3. passed BTT :D

but the day ended nicely. yup just keep smiling that way (: haha

MUSIC.

When I started to learn it, I was six.
When I decided to get serious about it, I was sixteen.
When I'm beginning to understand it, I am nineteen.


It's been 13 years, and all that I know now is that I want to do it for a lifetime. Just keep playing, keep writing, keep singing, keep arranging, keep listening...

Thank God I'm in DMAT, really (:
Now whatever's next for me, let it be awesome :D

went back to regent to give a presentation about DMAT today, and did 2 songs with zaki, I'm Yours and Decode. first time i ever sang in a school in front of a few hundred! but it went well, Decode was damn shiok :D hahahah. and yup it was our last farewell to regent..

and back in SP for lessons today. we're gonna be bombarded with assignments once again. hahah. oh and i attempted BTE today again and passed after failing yesterday's one :P wooh!

Bachelor of Arts(Education) majoring in music. i can be fully sponsored to study what i want to and even get paid. so what exactly is stopping me?! 4-year bond too long? nahh it cant be that long.

now im praying really hard i can be offered the provisional placement. PLEASE.

hahaha. and omg. tomorrow's BTE and the last and only BTP i went for was 1.5months ago. and i NEED to pass BTE by tomorrow! diediediediediediedie. i wanna driveeeeeee :(

I'm looking forward to go on cruise in january! :D royal carribean woohoo.

but how i wish i had a companion, like a person around my age or so.. it's probably gonna be a lonely 3D2N. hahahahah life of an only child. oh wells.

ITP's over! dammit i actually feel quite sad, time flies soooo quickly.

this week was goood. hahaha. worked on our logbooks, arranged a song, edited a video, and today packed up and gave out brownies to the people who's been really nice to us for the 9 weeks (: hahaha although we'll still be back on tues morning..

and omg my heart's feeling soooo fluffy i'm gonna dieeee :D hahaha. idk why fluffy but just... FLUFFY!

hahah okay lets just keep this up until the end of next week :P

Ip Man and Mulan2 yesterday, finished nodame today. woohoo.

and thanks to nodame, i'm in love with Brahms Symphony no.1, the first classical piece that held my attention from the very first note. it's so.. impressive D:

Time flies, so quickly.

I guess we're considered almost completed for ITP, since their exams begin today and there won't be anymore teaching for the next 2 weeks, and wooh we're done.

Then there's so much to do after that. POD2, Songwriting, Arranging, DDM blah blah blah. hahaha it's been long since i typed these words!

hahaha, i wish sem2 can be really longgggg. let graduation be further away!

If you wouldn't even give yourself a chance to prove that you can excel in something, why should others?

hahaha.

I've thought of another possible route to take now, Musical Theatre studies. Be it the pre or the production itself, sounds really interesting to me. Lasalle. maybe that's where i'll be afterall.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATH! :D although we didn't manage to celebrate it with you :/

KAY, Legend of the Fist, yuki yaki, esplanade. Nice thursday :)

Met dingchao at yuki yaki. Hahaha he's really one funny guy.

"Passion without focus and determination leads to nowhere"

saw a similar line on somebody's tumblr this morning, cant remember who's. but it's been stuck in my mind the whole day.

It takes alot of courage and confidence to be who you truly want to be,

but,

it takes too much energy and causes mental instability to try and be somebody you're not.

So then, which is a better choice?

hahaha.

i kinda noticed a phenomenon...

when you are with your friend(s), are you always walking in front, or at the back?
.
.
.
.
.
well i kinda noticed.. if you are someone that tends to, or often subconsciously, walk at the front, you're probably a person who's got many eyes on you, and you are someone who captures a lot of attention. But lesser things/people can capture your attention.

on the contrary, if you are someone that feels more comfortable and always walking at the back, you're probably the ones that always fixes your attention on others, but very minimal attention will be on yourself, because everyone is infront of you and no one else can really notice you.

hahaha. i dont know whether if it can be relative or not. i dont know how true this is either. hmm. just random thoughts that came to my brain today. hahaha.

ahhhhh so cute so cute! i really want one of these!

saw a Shih Tzu available for adoption at SPCA! but :( sigh. and that Chow Chow, i dont think it's hdb approved either coz he'll be so huge! :(

oh man you gotta watch this. it's SO FUCKING CUTE! hahahahah. the owner so evil >:(

animals animals animals. i love animals :D

sigh.

seriously, wtf am i learning from this internship.

i can definitely find a way to smoke through this 8 weeks but it's gonna be just my own loss.

well today we were just having a conversation with this 23 years old dance instructor during our break. he talked about how tough it is to try to make our hobby our career, especially if you're intending to persue it in the arts sector.

and there was this thing i noticed in the way he spoke, alot of it was about financial stability. can't just do what we like and ignore our income, gotta try and find means and methods to earn enough not just for ourselves but for our family. he even mentioned about girls at his age start to look out for guys who have a stable income, it's not just pure feeling and the teenage innocent "love" anymore. hahahaha. quite stunned to hear that. he said something like this: "everyone else is going on tours, having enough money to enjoy life after a period of hard work. then i look at myself, what i am doing?"

i mean, these are things that have been on my mind constantly, it's just that when you hear it from someone who's been through it, everything becomes more like reality and it freaks me out.

what shocked me even more was him mentioning that he only started dancing when he was in poly. and now he's a dance instructor who seems.. very good at it, to me? hahaha idk how that marks the standard but yeah. but for me, if i've also only started to think about making music as my career in poly, am i going to make it?

ICOM, Berklee, Lasalle, NAFA. im thinking that when i mention the first two as my future academic options, people will be thinking: "peixiu? cannot one lah." hahaha that's fine to me because even i have that thought -.- how unconfident. but then so how? im only left with half a year, yes half a year.

If i really want to survive doing Music, i'll need to be really determined. So strong that nothing can waiver this decision.

hmm maybe i really have too much time now, at least nothing much to keep my brain occupied, and so i keep thinking about all these everyday. sigh

anyway sorry for the lengthy post :/ the thoughts are flying through my brain. verbal diarrhea. hahaha

wahaha. i like to blog about interesting things that happened, so that i can remember what happened in my life when i read back. i like to take pictures, so i can remember the fun times we spent (:



(:
.
but sigh. monday swensens, tuesday nihon mura, wednesday swensens, thursday nihon mura. how to not be broke like that. don't know how im gonna survive till my pay comes.

7th September 2010. A rather bad day. argh

went out shopping the whole day with only 20 bucks. we spent the whole day from 12 noon all the way to 10pm, shopping from far east all the waaaaaaaaaay to marina square. by feet. legs dying already now. hahah.

today's the 7th day of the month, but our timesheet havent got approved. the whole afternoon i was just panicking and checking the website, and finally cannot tahan and decided to call the school. hopefully it is settled and the status of the approval on the website now doesnt matter anymore.

after that, we were walking and laughing like crazy and i stepped on a puddle of vomit. *pukes*

then received a fucking weird call apparently from hongkong. it sounded quite real, but it's too good to be true. 卫视中文台, Venetian Hotel, DHL. all sounds quite reliable but there seemed to be loopholes. i'm now damn worried about what's gonna happen tomorrow. argh fuck. i just hope nothing bad happens and if i need to get punished for my momentary greed it'll just be the amount spent on that 20min international phone call.

peixiu, stay calm and dont do foolish things tomorrow. good things dont appear out of the blue. dont let the greed overtake that rational mind. be smart. RAHHHH.

31 August 2009. oh it's bringing back all the memories.

.

memories memories memories

i need to make myself productive here otherwise i'd just be wasting my whole damn itp.

but how?

not gonna blame anyone but myself

the weekend zoomed past too quickly :( but it was damn fulfilling! suki buffet, step up 3, dvpt filming, last guitar lesson(kinda sad..) and starbucks with kay (:

hahah just hope i dont get monday blues everyweek now. wheee just registered for driving today. cant wait to drive on the road already dammit :D

THANK GOODNESS IT'S FUCKING FRIDAY!

so i'm at my fifth day of ITP now. waking up at 530am for the past few days.. kinda got used to it already.

but the worse part is that, it kinda made me really feel i'm not cut out to be a teacher. well, im not as interactive as them, im not as approachable as them, and i cant quite express myself well. i mean, it's known im a dao anti-social person. so htf do i become a teacher.

im quite worried about what's for me in the next 7-8 weeks to come. im excited to do lesson plans, but not to teach or handle a class. so far did relief for two classes, only goes to show i really dk how to handle.

and guess what? gonna have to do some performance for assembly. BIANGGGG :( hahah but the whole school's gonna go crazy over zaki :P hahah which alot of them already are. woohoo.

okay. gonna get ready for one last lesson in 30 mins, and im done for today WAHAHA

a teacher imparts knowledge

a good teacher are nannies of the children

请你告诉我
你可曾为我心动
就算只维持过那一分钟

so anyway. first day of itp. maaan dk what to say about it. it wasnt as bad as i expected, the kids were RATHER cute. in a sense they're playful and noisy but not too bad. mischievous is the word. hahaha.

first thing in the morning already staff meeting. then following was first lesson doing digital music.. then 2 classes of sec2s doing dance, and lastly sec1 learing about popular music. oh well.

i thought everything went pretty well until i heard what the others did. kinda sian diao. hahaha. but oh well. hope tomorrow will be a better day! (:

ooooooshhhhh.

hell begins tomorrow. im feeling so wobbly now. because so far there's nothing optimistic about the situation we're in. sighh. just hope everything's gonna go well.

hope this two months' gonna be awesome (wishful thinking), hahah because it honestly is one of my choice for my future career. although it's kinda not really my best option, but yeahh.. im worried that this two months will probably just make it even clearer that im not cut out to be a teacher and i suck at human relations. ahhh im thinking too much now...........................................

oh btw, anyone knows if there's like a scheme to teach for a short period of time? might do that just after we're done with year3 and waiting to do other stuff, uni etc...

oh well anyways all the best you fellow teachers! (:

so yup pod's over, itp's the next hurdle. mehhhh

and i think the coffee overdose from the past few days is still effecting on me, im feeling weirdly high today. talking damn alot :P

anyway, moe briefing today. hmm let's put it this way, if i can conquer regent sec, i can handle any secondary schools in singapore >:D heheh. that's if teaching is gonna be my future career. oh well..

hahah so here's a shopping list for myself:

• 3 button-down shirts
• 2 semi-formal blazers
• 3 pants [dammit cannot wear jeans :( ]
• shoes? idk if can wear sneakers but feel like just wearing it :P

hahah i can be a bimbo and this list will go on and on. yeah yeah itp is just an excuse for me to go SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING! hahaha omg peixiu is bimbo.

i cant believe i've been up for more than 40 hours straight now, and the only part of me that's tired now are my eyes.. because im feeling damn high now hahaha. i think i broke my own record :P

hahahha. gosh i gotta admit im really really happy today (: haha. although im honestly not totally satisfied with my video but everyone's sooo encouraging and gave me tons of motivation :D hahaha. even the lecturers! wheee. hahaha.

hard work will pay off. jiayou peixiu! :D

AND THANKS TO ALL YOU GUYS WHO HELPED ME. THE THOUSANDS OF FAVOURS I OWE, I PROMISE I'LL RETURN! (:

and i know for sure, a few years down the road i'll rewatch my projects, laugh at how stupid they are, and missing the process of doing them (:

no matter what the outcome's gonna be, at least i enjoyed it. i may not be the best person to do video, but at least i know i tried my best.

gonna fight a battle tonight in hope for tomorrow to be awesome! yeeeeeeehah!

so pissed.

i even think that my demo mix is better than the one i'm mixing now to hand in.

argh. if i cant even like my song how do i convince people to like it.

last scene filming, subs, mix, voiceover, leadsheet, report, powerpoint.

mad mad mad fucking mad rush!

sigh i've been thinking about it recently, too much. and i seemed to have realised that it's a stable job that i really need after graduation, or rather, to have a stable income.

but no im surely not going for a 9-to-5 and get stuck in the office for the entire day kinda thing. but nothing that i like to do can pay me a stable income.

ahhh. daddy should be retiring but he's not, mom's not working. i need a proper job. i know nothing else but music and i still suck at it. wtf am i gonna do. can i continue to live in denial and think that everything's gonna be fine, and that there's still a long way to go?

7 months left.

it seems like the extension of pod made me a slacker :/ i cant focus on work!

peixiu peixiu peixiu, it's not just pod you have to do! 4 freaking assignments and not meant for last minute chionging. bleahhhhhh.

i seriously dont understand why and who are those people commenting in chinese on my blog? is it some virus or spam or what? argh.

anyway, went to town to film my last few scenes today, kaye mayer zhihui geok and i (: went quite well, and im so glad to say im almost done with my music video! :D just some final touch ups, and probably a little refilming for the lip sync scenes and all. hahaha. it's gonna be a cheesy cheena chin chong film so.. those at the pod presentation must be ready to be cheenafied for 7mins or so :P hahaha. but aiyo, my mix still damn cui.

and next week there's still pam presentation, songwriting, mumi, pam composition. how to finish, how how how? grr. hahaha

mm nevermind, peix is happy today (: HAPPY AUGUST!

am i kinda overestimating my abilities?

i keep telling myself i can do this, and i really want to do this. but the stress level is up to my throat, now i cant even focus and plan properly what to do and not. i know emotionally im kinda screwed.

and so glad for the past 3 sessions i had so much help. zhihui, miao, geok, seowhung etc.. so thankful (: but argh. i cant cope with this alone. but these guys are not obliged to help me because it's not their marks blah blah blah. oh goodness, this thing is killing me, again.

wah my mood contrast is so drastic, it's so not normal.

but it's a good start, corrine may for the morning (: and many different versions of What a Wonderful World for arranging.

ahhh, the voice is such a beautiful instrument. wheee

ahhh so cute! i really really want a dog. but not when i dont spend most of my time at home :( 

but at least when i go home, it's not the computer screen that i'll be facing the whole time. a dog doesnt speak our language, but i believe he'll understand when we speak to him in our language.

棉花糖 - 女孩

怎麼了別哭啦 故事都結束了
眼淚就當作是他送你的
請快樂好好的 是應該祝福的
願意放手才透徹

你從他的心上 悄悄帶走 僅存的不捨
你要把它當成寶貝一輩子收著

為什麼那男孩要離開 女孩不明白
悲傷都覆蓋 眼淚還有期待
等待是你的愛 就算他明白不明白
閉上眼數到一百 快樂請隨身攜帶

愛情讓你變依賴 變成了小小孩
一受傷就會哭得很厲害
他不懂你給的愛 是他自己活該
你的笑容最可愛

你從他的心上 悄悄帶走 僅存的崇拜
只為了想證明你曾經的存在

為什麼那男孩要離開 女孩不明白
悲傷都覆蓋 眼淚還有期待
等待是你的愛 就算他明白不明白
閉上眼數到一百 快樂請隨身攜帶

i just finished editing the first scene of my music video today :D but how uh, the video quality sucks. or rather, i think i used the wrong setting but i checked soo many times and it shouldnt go wrong! sighh. then now the whole first scene is like line line line whenever they move :( how to solve that! arghhh.

i'm still not feeling very convinced that i should be using a mini DV cam for POD, although when Josh from comtech asked me "what is it that the V1P can do and the SR11 cannot?" all i can answer is quality difference, but i dont know how to explain and i dont know what exactly is the difference, i just know it's.. different. how like that :(

i really need the V1P.. the external hard disk camera btw. whyyyy dont let us useeeee! :(

recently, i've been seeing people getting so emo/depressed/unhappy/lonely.. whatever. and it's so scary that they don't show it on the surface. i dont recall feelings being so complicated, just a few years back. it was all just, happy is happy, sad is sad. simple as that. but now, the two sides that people are showing gets so overwhelming and unbelievable. 

hahah, and you know what the ironic thing is, i am exactly like that too. 

i dislike reading blog posts/fb status/twitter updates of people whom i think i am really close to and realize that i dont actually know what they are talking about, why they're sad, what happened to them, etc. not that im such a kaypo but, previously without all these technology stuff, it was just simply sending an sms "hey, im not really feeling good today, wanna hangout?" 

i'm seeing a major difference between myself virtually and in real life. 

and oh, i've never been this self conscious in my life, it was ever since that day, somehow. i dont dare to really be myself anymore. i feel like the real me is so.. bitchy. argh fuck it. 

this is just a summary of what i am thinking now. everything's in a mess...

phew, feeling much better now after submitting remt yesterday (: have some time to relax now!

had a "field trip" today, to asian civilisation museum. saw groups primary school kids there, reminds me of how we used to be so excited to go for excursions last time. so fun. hahaha. then watched toy story 3! it's such a nice and touching storyyyy (: stupid purple bear. haha

and tomorrow gonna start filming for pod. WOOHOO im kinda excited. i hope everything's gonna turn out well :D

argh when can i find two whole days to recuperate?

sleeping a few hours every night only recharges about 30% of my energy.

yeah i am damn tired :( the life of year threes.

TGIF!

i would think this week is the craziest week in my whole life. only three hours of sleep a night since sunday. other than that it's just chiong chiong chiong. so happy it's friday. hahaha.

geok's bro's 21st bday party tomorrow. gonna play a set with kay, so long havent performed with them :DD hahaha. think it's gonna be fun fun fun!! and yup, cant do any work tmr :/

REMT dued on monday. then i wanna focus on POD already. now still considering whether to change male lead. hmm. but it's gonna be chiongster three weeks. filming, editing, filming editing, mixing, filming, blah blah blah. arghhh still damn lack of sleep. sighhh

i'm becoming so self conscious. i'm not being myself. i'm not a perfect person.

yup, no matter where i go and what i do, i won't fit in nicely and comfortably. nope it's not the world's fault, it's just me.

welcome to my life (:

and i guess this is karma.

feels like cock, so insecured.

back from hongkong means nothing else but work. :((((( and because i didnt touch work for a week it's totally hard to get back the momentum.

lets see what we have for next week

1. PAM Report, i totally forgot what exacty happened at the concert! :(
2. Lyric writing, i dont know how to write ahhhhhh
3. COVER SONG, how come i havent touched finale till now?!
4. Masterclasses, im really looking forward to this, but it means no time to do work during lessons or studio!
5. CMCC AP. practices, rehearsals, and then the performance. hoping it's not gonna eat into any masterclass.

did i miss out anything? seems like there are some more things dued next week. bleah, i'm damn pissed right now at the situation i'm in.

yay! almost done with packing, leaving the rest to tmr morning (: i'm gonna try and get some sleep! tmr's gonna be a longgggg day. hahah

i hope i get to see my favourite hk male singer Eason to do a live performance for us, but yeah dont think it's gonna happen. hahahah. 买东西吃东西，买东西吃东西! haha okay not really luh. but woohoo cant wait! :D

alright, goodnight world! 3 hours of sleep and we'll be on our way! :D

hahahahah i am sooooo screwed up, TWOOOOOOOO more days to hongkong and im sooo dead because i'm not even 1/4 done with my damn cover song. im feeling darn stressed now.

tomorrow will be out the whole day again, will be back home like today feeling damn tired to do work because listening to the parts' gonna be damn draining. Saturday, guitar lesson in the morning, go home and pack luggage, out for dinner and get some last min stuff+change money, and will try and get some sleep before leaving home at 3:30AM for the airport.

will be gone for a week = almost no work done for a week. HAO LIDDAT HAO HAO! :(

today at bukit panjang plaza i was queuing up to buy food. then i thought the old man behind me was very anal by being picky about the sauces and asking for less salt and oil. i went back to my seat and a while later i saw that man coming back, and the food he bought was for his mother who was on a wheelchair and her hair was all white and her hands seemed like they were trembling... he carefully picked out what she couldnt eat and fed her the first spoon of noodles.

i was wrong about him being anal. even though he looks like he's in his 60s alr, his filial piety GMH.

hahah kinda makes me feel sad, kept staring at them while eating. oh wells. today has been quite unproductive. didnt do much work at all. grr. hahaha.

4 hours for 8 bars of guitar and piano. cover song izzz killing meeez.

im going into agaration mode D:

oh but exactly in a week at this time i'd be heading to the airport. woohooo!

1. i turned 19, crystal jade, crab, manhatten fish market!
2. and azh turned 19, RWS hard rock cafe, sentosa chalet!
3. concerts, micappella, spco, amkss band
4. iPhone :D
5. POD
6. COVER SONG
7. ARK

i dont even know why the month of may passed SOO fast. it felt like a few days ago when i thought "oh it's May my favourite month!" -.- today's the last day of May. which means SIAO LIAO one month to cover song deadline, two months to POD and yup two weeks to HK :D hahaha. at least something i still look forward to. heh

actually, i'm alright coping with everything else except Ark i guess. it's still stressful and to some point, demoralizing. but oh well. i'm glad people there are nice at least (:

lack of manpower, time constrains and not expert enough at video editing techniques. will my mv turn out like how it is supposed to be?

i'm damn scared it doesn't. because this seems like a video that will only work out if it's very well done, otherwise it'll just be crap. argh stress stress :(

storyboard, filming locations, casts, filming schedule, music and video synchronization :(((

wow, she just made it seem like my past 2 years of intense music, and well audio(nothing really much to complain about this) education has totally gone to waste. i mean, i know it didn't of course, but at that very moment, and up till now, im feeling like that. sigh :(

for the past 2.5 years, besides doing a diploma in music and audio which is already a huge amount of time spent, vocal and guitar lessons both also for 2.5 years. KAY's stuff? i feel like my entire life now is just surrounding music. but don't get me wrong, i love what i'm doing, and i love how my time is spent. but i'm not seeing the results i wish to.

my singing's said to be 刺耳, irritating to the ear that is, and that my control isn't good. therefore i have to throw away whatever i've learnt and start from basics. alex, is this really what i should do?! for 2 years you trained me to sing out sing bright, now i need to throw that all away :( sigh. i'll stick with choosing simple songs with small vocal ranges, that's not a problem, but asking me to throw my techniques, cannot :(

and yeah. currently just very demoralised. but not gonna give up whatsoever. damn i'm an emo girl now :(

it's days like these i kinda get super emo over stuffs. maybe im pmsing. p for post, in this case. haha.

but it really sucks to see how we've drifted. in my mind i'll be like: who exactly are you? i don't feel this with every person, but i'm feeling it because we share a special bond, that i feel is there, but apparently the feeling doesnt seem mutual anymore.

im envious when i see them flauting on facebook, they are really happy. but its not just envious, also nostalgic because we used to be like that once. (im not sure if i used nostalgic correctly but yeah thats roughly what i mean)

hahaha. i realised on average i have a day in every month that i feel this way. damn.

you know, i suddenly feel that i'm very lucky to be in DMAT. 

im not as good as some others who are dying to get in, and yet i didn't really have to put in much effort like going through interviews and auditions to try and get in, because i know if i had to, i wont be here probably. 

yes, i am very lucky. i thank God for that (:

what's your purpose of being here? i mean, it shouldnt really matter to me but dont question my passion.

oh one more thing. blogs are meant for the freedom of speech. others dont have to stop posting anything just because it doesnt suit your eye. 

argh, hypocrites. bad morning.

omg Govin Tan. hahaha. was doing some last min research for pam presentation and i suddenly remembered seeing him play at the arts house last year. so went to find videos and information about him. he's only freaking 18 this year and he's chinese. what an amazing local tabla player! he's so.. amazing. hahaha

the weekend was grrrrrrrrrrrreat!

friday. crystal jade dinner with the primaries, they got me a glam bag and glam a manuscript book and a cute doggy toy (: hahaha. then was MICappella concert, awesome awesome awesome! and then starbucks with kay, come to think about it, was like my first time having a cake at 12 midnight! if i didnt rmb wrongly.. hahaha

saturday. lunch wih kay at Crab Party in yck. hahah. damn shiok chilli crab :D hahaha. then dinner at Manhattan fish market with daddy and mama, then walked ard clarke quay (: hahaha. felt like a pig, just kept eating for the two days. woohooo!

today. GOOD rest at home! :D hahaha

oh and daddy got me an iPhone for my birthday! hahaha :D

omg. i cant believe i actually watched the Nightwish's Phantom of the Opera video for five times today. just keep playing and playing. like ahhhhhh omg. i LOVE their version of Phantom!

hahaha. and yes yes yes thursday is over over over :D just need to get home quick and bathe and get on my bed, and not think about anything else for now!

today's was better day.

felt quite good practicing just now, because fanny suggested i should tell alicia to let me play only on alternate weeks if i cant handle every week. i was quite relieved when i heard that. but the thing is now.. i dont even know if i really can do every two weeks. coming home after a longggg day out and thinking about still having to practice 30 songs with no time at all to do work, mental+physical torture.

and i need to complete my demo arrangement for the pod song by saturday to send to the sessionists so they can play on monday, and get the 3 vocal parts done before wednesday's pract. how on earth do i find time before saturday?! argh.

yes yes im complaining complaining and complaining everyday because i just need to rant, and im too tired trying to practice more so im blogging. why did i even think i was gonna be damn free and take up another responsibility thats pulling me down down down now. sigh. my own problem lah.

friday saturday faster come. i need retail and makan therapy. gah gah la la bah bah vaaaaa

am i too weak, or is it really just too overwhelming? i think im too weak, no i think its too overwhelming. argh !@#$%%@$&

maybe now's not the right time.

good day today (:

did more than i thought i could, half the song arranged :D

hmm wanted to watch Kickass today, went to buy tickets at 1 for a show at 8 plus. and only left with the first two rows. hate weekend crowd grrr. hahaha. and the temperature today freaking 35 degrees, felt like i just bathed after the journey to town. bahhh. i wish the weather's like genting, not too cold, just very cooling 20 degrees. woooooh!

Starbucks,
And a conversation about life and how we've been going in circles.
:D


all i know is that my life wont be complete without them (:

what's wrong with me? i've been feeling tired too easily these few days. and it's the uncomfortable kind of tired :( sigh. cant seem to stay up/concentrate on work at home now. grr

and i'm getting so emotional nowadays too. all of a sudden i'm missing a lot of people. and come to think about it, many people who were once a huge part of my life are leaving or have left. why cant i seem to keep them in? i miss you guys a lot, even though i seem like i dont.

peixiu is really anti-social. i hate her for that.

It's a freaking busy month of May.

Handed in POD proposals today, presentation on friday. And after doing the gantt charts i realised how little time we have. I've to finish a whole song, arranged, recorded and mixed before leaving for HK in june (something happy to look forward to though :D ). and POD's not the only thing to worry about!

hahaha. school work aside, ark just called to say all the singers are to prepare 10 songs each, and the keyboardist plays for all the songs. so yup. 60 songs in a week for me. woohoo! but im really thinking, can we finish playing 60 songs in three hours? doesn't seem like it. hmmm. TIME TIME TIME. we need to be best friends.

okay. back to work. indian music is so damn confusing. raga, swara, asavari thaat, gooloo gooloo. hahahahaha.

feeling sucky.

oh man i ate like a pig today. chicken rice in school, frosted malt ice cream at swensens, egg tart from kfc, cinnamon melts and fluffy from McCafe, all fattening stuff.

i better be spending time wisely tomorrow. workload's like mad. POD proposal due in three days and wtf am i gonna be doing?? for the past whole week i've been thinking, like really thinking, but cant actually decide on anything. and remt/arr cover song is due on 1st july. 2 months from now. argh ):

and yup, i've decided to go HK. but im feeling kinda weird, like as though something's gonna screw up..

sigh, for the past week my brain's like overloading. im thinking of too many things at the same time until i feel soo disorganised. and it's not just work to think about, everything else seems to be falling apart as well. blahhhh.

oh ark. we're on probation for three months. and in the month of May we'll be singing on thursdays. stressed, so stressful to even think about it ):

oh, a debate. it's one of the most unpleasant way of learning for me, because i never will participate in a class debate, since secondary school days. why? maybe i'm just anti-social or something. hahaha

2 years ago, i thought there was a change in me, like i became more talkative and sociable or something. everyone seemed nice and fun to be with. but now i seem to be going back to those days, cant really talk to anyone. haha. oh well. 

i'm still having a tough time making decisions. hk or not, what's for pod, where to go for itp, and what's after year3.. blah blah blah. my head's exploding. yeah i should do one thing at a time. 

yawns. what's with today. feels.. sucky. 

oh and i want to make a trip down to spca one day!

school this semester seems damn shiok, for now. hahaha. like there's alot of free time. but workload is crazy heavy. and its only first week and i have to make so many tough decisions.

1. -what exactly should i do for POD?? i thought i had alot of ideas but now when i really need to prepare the proposals and all i realised i havent actually developed the ideas well enough yet :/
2. -what should i source for ITP? spoke to Glow about OITP but.. argh being away two months, thats more than twice of Harbin man. and what will i do if im overseas? or should i just stick with teaching in singapore? bleahhhh.
3. -REMT cover song. so many songs in mind but all has got their pros and cons.
4. -well. and the toughest one of all is this. one of the places i really wanna go since young, and it's such a rare, no i should say last opportunity for a study trip in SP. tv station, production company, recording workshops.. fucking attractive. but how? i dont wanna break a promise. conscience vs heart. PK. blahhhhhhh. sorry if you do see this :/

yeahhh. thats was mainly the first week of school. hahaha. oh celebrated jon's birthday yesterday, very very belated. hahaha. seowhung made this huge huge photo collage card and we all signed on it. hahaha. and we managed to do what we wanted to do but didnt for him last year, which was swensens. hahaha. yup so much for now (:

yeahhh i listen and LOVE cheena and chin chong music so what are you gonna do about it? 

and get things clear before you even speak.

fuck, so fucking pissed. 

its kinda weird how i'll feel this way. irritatingly weird!

1. everyone's blog is so dead. including mine, of course. hahaha. it's three days to school reopen and i'm already trying to adjust back my body clock by waking up at 5am in the morning to work for my dad. dont know how people tahan sitting through conferences that last the whole day, all about ultrasound and gynaecology. 12 hours yesterday, 12 hours today, another 12 hours tomorrow DD: so we as AV technicians sit through with them. woohoo!

2. hahaha. sigh. why do people like to think so much? making the simplest things so complex, making the world seem so dark. we're only 18 years old, or 19. why dont we live life happily before we become adults? if you cant control how your life is like, then change your perception and mindset. hahah okay just a random thought. 

3. i never felt such a strong need for money. as in like a huge sum of money. i know doing music is expensive, but i never knew the extent until now. have been thinking alot recently. i really want to go for the summer programme next year. but how to save/earn/get 20K in a year's time? even if i have the 20K, is it really worth to spend it all in 5 weeks? grr. few months ago, i was so determined that i wont get a job until i finish my year3, and i've been persuading people to try and not work because year3's gonna be heavy. and what now? i'm thinking of part time jobs. im so contradicting. argh. even if i work like a dog i wont get 20K by next year. sigh.

4. okay happy happy now, S.H.E concert tomorrow :D but im gonna miss their opening ceremony for the circle line tomorrow because of work :'( wahhhh. 

grr, i so angry at myself. why must i change what i really like because of what the society sees and thinks? stupid mentality of mine. screw that barrier

oohlala im back from genting! three things i love in this trip:

1. 1.BASKIN' ROBBINS, SOOO DAMN GOOD :D
2. 2.ROLLER COASTER MADNESS! :D
3. 3.LOWEST TEMPERATURE 15 DEGREE CELSIUS! hmm i never remembered genting being this cold, hahaha. average temperature beats that three weeks in Harbin maaaaan!
   

hahaha. kinda sad. now there's nothing to look forward to already :( i want to do even more crazy stuff in the remaining two weeks! or at least have fun :D hahaha.

i want to go back and play 10 more times of Corkscrew, yes thats the name of the biggest roller coaster in Genting hahah, and i want to play the ride that's on maintenance yesterday :( and i want to go eat Baskin' Robbins, and i want to.. yup thats about it :D

rainy misty cloudy cold (:

:D

turns out the new teacher's quite cool. hahaha. he seems to know quite a lot too! (: but yeah.. haha

ooohoooo! 8 more hours! hahaha. im eggcited :D pray pray pray it doesnt rain in Genting. it's gonna be awesome!

some time ago, i was like a fool. i knew for sure you're not a person i could or should develop any feelings for, for sure. but it all happened, i really did. fell so fucking deep even when i clearly knew it was nothing.

you know, two people with absolutely nothing in common, ridiculously different characters, totally opposite interests, it's like two parallel lines that will never meet. so why was i even expecting anything? and indeed through the walk down the road, it was like a downward slope, down and down.

but now, i've come to the end of the line. as much as i wish to, i cant feel the same for you anymore. well i really liked you once (love's too strong a word, i guess), but it's now in the past. im sure someone else's gonna deserve it more. hahaha and i dont know how i should have that confidence but yeah. it's over.

i don't know why the whole damn world seems to know about this, to the extent i dont even care anymore. haha. so be it.

cmcc camp didnt turn out too bad (: celebrated ken's birthday at the jam room with all the cmcc people as well. nice it was a huge group! but didnt turn out like how we intended. haha. small celebration but ken still hope you enjoyed it!

oh oh and, the first time i ever drank in a school camp. amelia brought barcadi and we played games with it. hahaha omg. and yeah i liked how we slept on the tables stacked together, cosy (: hmm stuff happened, but hopefully it's gonna change things in the good way!

watched Nodame the movie last night, after the camp. Chiaki is damn damn hawt! hahahah. damn sian gotta wait for another month for the sequel, and hopefully it's just gonna be a month!

gotta help out in the DMIT graduation show later. quite sian. rahhh

okay its ridiculous because it's not even two week but i want a haircut again! :/ and goodness im really damn broke, but im still considering what colour to dye my hair. hahaha. purple doesnt seem like a bad idea :p heh. oh well.

wheeee today picnic-ed with the primary mates. so tired, maximum. met at 930 in the morning and headed to PS for "grocery shopping" as charmane would say it, hahaha. then down to barrage. it's damn cool okay, because the whole time it looked like it was gonna rain and the sky was so freaking dark. hahaha. but damn shiok, it didnt rain a bit when we were there :D so we started with food as usual, then flew a kite. we were damn funny, like ultimately. none of us knew how to fly the kite, so we made damn alot of noise and did ALL we could to get the kite flying. and thankfully it did :D wheeeee. hahaha. and after that, as usual, went to MS and charmane tried to win her Stitch. luck wasnt really good, coin kept getting stuck. eeyer. hahahaha.

overall, it was a nice day! (:

wheeee. wheeee. WHEEEEEEEEEE!

haha me is really really happied (: Jam is really damn gan dong okay. i love the moment the hair stands whenever he sings or something. hahaha. what made it even more awesome is that he had a live band playing for him! that makes it far more stunning and impressive :D the band was made up of the usual drumset, 2 guitars, bass, keyboards, strings, and backup vocals. goodness i really want to be the music director up there. the live music was so impressive. AND AND AND, JAM PLAYED THE DRUMS :D:D:D he's uber awesome dammit!

WAH BIANG WOEY! :D

oh and went jamming today with year one's melvin, zhengjie and his girlfriend. kinda weird eh? hahaha. but apparently they, or WE'RE gonna join stardust D: hahahaha. okay just hope things will go well.

well, this week was really awesome! :D

yucks. i owe people tons of money now. Jam and s.h.e's concert got me into a $300 debt which i've yet to clear, and i just cleared $50 today, for overspending while shopping yesterday :( RAHHH. and still going to genting. but that one worth spending one :D hehehe

oh. but on the other hand there are people who owes me money too. i need to start opening my mouth and ask it back because im really really broke, im sorry :/

besides the fact that im really damn broke by the 12th day of march.. holidays has been quite fun luh, i think (: Jam's concert is tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow! wheeeeeee! hahaha. and its picnic next week with primary mates :D and yup, cmcc camp. hahaha. hopefully it'll be fun, although i dont know how to really bond with a group of unfamiliar group of people :/



wahaha, these girls just can't stop eating sushi! 120308!

wheee. back from dmat chalet. haha. and im seriously damn broke. dont know how i managed to spend close to 60 at the chalet?? haha.

watched Alice in Wonderland last night, hmm really quite disappointing. haha. but johnny depp is like omg. hahaha. really can sense his charisma even in that extreme makeover of him in the show. he's damn awesome please :D or maybe i got influenced by geok. hahaha. but really the only reason why i wanted to watch it so bad was because of him :P hahaha.

well this chalet is another record breaking one. not even 20 came i guess. kinda sad. think the next one will probably be the graduation chalet. oh wells. haha

(:

this time round, i dont feel as bad as the last. thinking back, the feeling was totally different. previously, the result was declared from the moment we stepped down the stage, because it was a total screw up. but today, i didnt think we did that badly, until the judge commented. we went down, reviewed the video, yes mistakes and minor screw ups, but still didnt think we did too bad. so there was still a little hope, until the results was announced at the end.

Votes. we all think we lost to that. the result of not bringing supporters down. kinda pathetic. hahaha. thanks Kaye for coming though (:

oh well, let's think about it this way; at least we were top5. hahaha

wahhhh. spent big bucks again today. close to a hundred just on facial products :/ another 50 on a jacket and shorts. gahhhh broke maximum.

and tomorrow again. like omg omg omg. i dont want to go through this once more. bah.

sigh. peixiu's life quite sad.

wheee. i've a feeling that this year is gonna be a wealthy year! hehe. but this doesnt give me the excuse to spend like there's no tomorrow :P hahaha.

cant manage to get djayskz on for the genting trip, so it'll just be KAY (: called to check, it's freaking $238 for 3 of us for hotel 3D2N+2-way coach! tell me what awesome deal this is :D hahaha. hope nothing goes wrong!

i want to go swimming, but the sky is so black :( haha. and my hair's demanding a trim. should i go back to chapter two for that 40bucks trim? :/



i'm fine and good without you, but i'm better with you (: hahaha (yeah quoted azh)

if you can't be bothered and don't give a damn about us,
then we won't too.
you planned for this,
and you conveniently forgot about it.

well i dont think you do but if you still read my blog, yeahh i am pissed at you. i understand that you are busy, but i dont like the fact that you cant even take time out to gather with your old friends whom you havent met in a long time.

alright enough of ranting! hahaha and holidays are finally here, as i longed for. but hmm, to think about it i guess it'll be quite sian :/ hahaha. i want to do alot of things during the holidays, hopefully i'll follow whatever i planned for! :D

sucks to get to know about things from a third party when you're supposed to know it first-handed.

or rather, when you thought you were supposed to.