am i kinda overestimating my abilities?

i keep telling myself i can do this, and i really want to do this. but the stress level is up to my throat, now i cant even focus and plan properly what to do and not. i know emotionally im kinda screwed.

and so glad for the past 3 sessions i had so much help. zhihui, miao, geok, seowhung etc.. so thankful (: but argh. i cant cope with this alone. but these guys are not obliged to help me because it's not their marks blah blah blah. oh goodness, this thing is killing me, again.

wah my mood contrast is so drastic, it's so not normal.

but it's a good start, corrine may for the morning (: and many different versions of What a Wonderful World for arranging.

ahhh, the voice is such a beautiful instrument. wheee

ahhh so cute! i really really want a dog. but not when i dont spend most of my time at home :( 

but at least when i go home, it's not the computer screen that i'll be facing the whole time. a dog doesnt speak our language, but i believe he'll understand when we speak to him in our language.

棉花糖 - 女孩

怎麼了別哭啦 故事都結束了
眼淚就當作是他送你的
請快樂好好的 是應該祝福的
願意放手才透徹

你從他的心上 悄悄帶走 僅存的不捨
你要把它當成寶貝一輩子收著

為什麼那男孩要離開 女孩不明白
悲傷都覆蓋 眼淚還有期待
等待是你的愛 就算他明白不明白
閉上眼數到一百 快樂請隨身攜帶

愛情讓你變依賴 變成了小小孩
一受傷就會哭得很厲害
他不懂你給的愛 是他自己活該
你的笑容最可愛

你從他的心上 悄悄帶走 僅存的崇拜
只為了想證明你曾經的存在

為什麼那男孩要離開 女孩不明白
悲傷都覆蓋 眼淚還有期待
等待是你的愛 就算他明白不明白
閉上眼數到一百 快樂請隨身攜帶

i just finished editing the first scene of my music video today :D but how uh, the video quality sucks. or rather, i think i used the wrong setting but i checked soo many times and it shouldnt go wrong! sighh. then now the whole first scene is like line line line whenever they move :( how to solve that! arghhh.

i'm still not feeling very convinced that i should be using a mini DV cam for POD, although when Josh from comtech asked me "what is it that the V1P can do and the SR11 cannot?" all i can answer is quality difference, but i dont know how to explain and i dont know what exactly is the difference, i just know it's.. different. how like that :(

i really need the V1P.. the external hard disk camera btw. whyyyy dont let us useeeee! :(

recently, i've been seeing people getting so emo/depressed/unhappy/lonely.. whatever. and it's so scary that they don't show it on the surface. i dont recall feelings being so complicated, just a few years back. it was all just, happy is happy, sad is sad. simple as that. but now, the two sides that people are showing gets so overwhelming and unbelievable. 

hahah, and you know what the ironic thing is, i am exactly like that too. 

i dislike reading blog posts/fb status/twitter updates of people whom i think i am really close to and realize that i dont actually know what they are talking about, why they're sad, what happened to them, etc. not that im such a kaypo but, previously without all these technology stuff, it was just simply sending an sms "hey, im not really feeling good today, wanna hangout?" 

i'm seeing a major difference between myself virtually and in real life. 

and oh, i've never been this self conscious in my life, it was ever since that day, somehow. i dont dare to really be myself anymore. i feel like the real me is so.. bitchy. argh fuck it. 

this is just a summary of what i am thinking now. everything's in a mess...

phew, feeling much better now after submitting remt yesterday (: have some time to relax now!

had a "field trip" today, to asian civilisation museum. saw groups primary school kids there, reminds me of how we used to be so excited to go for excursions last time. so fun. hahaha. then watched toy story 3! it's such a nice and touching storyyyy (: stupid purple bear. haha

and tomorrow gonna start filming for pod. WOOHOO im kinda excited. i hope everything's gonna turn out well :D

argh when can i find two whole days to recuperate?

sleeping a few hours every night only recharges about 30% of my energy.

yeah i am damn tired :( the life of year threes.

TGIF!

i would think this week is the craziest week in my whole life. only three hours of sleep a night since sunday. other than that it's just chiong chiong chiong. so happy it's friday. hahaha.

geok's bro's 21st bday party tomorrow. gonna play a set with kay, so long havent performed with them :DD hahaha. think it's gonna be fun fun fun!! and yup, cant do any work tmr :/

REMT dued on monday. then i wanna focus on POD already. now still considering whether to change male lead. hmm. but it's gonna be chiongster three weeks. filming, editing, filming editing, mixing, filming, blah blah blah. arghhh still damn lack of sleep. sighhh

i'm becoming so self conscious. i'm not being myself. i'm not a perfect person.